On curry:

Death leaned over the saddle and looked down at the kingdoms of the world. I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU, he said, BUT I COULD MURDER A CURRY.

Terry Pratchett, Mort (1987)

On democracy:

Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote. The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote.

Terry Pratchett, Mort (1987)

On education:

She got on with her education. In her opinion, school kept on trying to interfere with it.

Terry Pratchett, Soul Music (1994)

On efficiency:

The fastest way to travel is to be there already.

Terry Pratchett, Soul Music (1994)

On expression:

Vorbis sat back, his expression unchanged. His expression seldom changed unless he wanted it to.

Terry Pratchett, Small Gods (1992)

On fate:


Terry Pratchett, Soul Music (1994)

On hierarchy:

They weren’t that important. They were merely at the top. The people who really run organisations are usually found several levels down, where it’s still possible to get things done.

Terry Pratchett, Small Gods (1992)

On horses:

Most horses don’t walk backwards voluntarily, because what they can’t see doesn’t exist.

Terry Pratchett, Soul Music (1994)

On infinity:

That’s how we survive infinity — we kill it by breaking it up into small bits.

Terry Pratchett, Pyramids (1989)

On life and death:

The trouble with life was that you didn’t get a chance to practice before doing it for real.

Terry Pratchett, Pyramids (1989)

The moments that change your life are the ones that happen suddenly, like the one where you die.

Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures (1990)

On obedience:

Brutha obeyed immediately. Brutha did not know the meaning of the word disobedience. It was only one of a large number of words he didn’t know the meaning of.

Terry Pratchett, Small Gods (1992)

On perspective:

From a tortoise-eye viewpoint even the most handsome human is only a pair of feet, a distant pointy head and, somewhere up there, the wrong end of a pair of nostrils.

Terry Pratchett, Small Gods (1992)

On piety:

People needed to believe in gods, if only because it was so hard to believe in people.

Terry Pratchett, Pyramids (1989)

On probability:

Scientists have calculated that the chances of something so patently absurd actually existing are millions to one. But magicians have calculated that million-to-one chances crop up nine times out of ten.

Terry Pratchett, Mort (1987)

On rain:

It was raining in the small, mountainous country of Llamedos. It was always raining in Llamedos. Rain was the country’s main export. It had rain mines.

Terry Pratchett, Soul Music (1994)

On speechlessness:

‘Do you have a tongue, boy?’

Brutha nodded. And then, feeling that perhaps this wasn’t enough, presented it for inspection.

Terry Pratchett, Small Gods (1992)

On swearing:

“Well, –––– me,” he said. “A ––––ing wizard. I hate ––––ing wizards!”

“You shouldn’t –––– them, then,” muttered one of his henchmen, effortlessly pronouncing a row of dashes.

Terry Pratchett, Mort (1987)